English... this crazy language!

  An Ode to the English Plural

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You  may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.  There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.  We take English for
granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

Idioms

Idioms are fixed combinations of words whose meaning is often difficult to guess from the meaning of each individual word. 

Ex: Tim took a shine to his teacher. (he immediately liked her)

Little Jimmy was quiet as a mouse all day. (extremely quiet)

We arrived safe and sound.(safely) ~ Mark and Allistair don´t see eye to eye. (don´t agree with each other) ~ Airline foots the bill for delays and cancellations. (will pay the costs) ~ University goes cap in hand to finance Minister.  ~ Rita Soraz the apple of Hollywood´s eye. (loved by everyone in Hollymood) ~Most women have to shoulder responsibility to raise their kids.(pay for everything) ~ During the meeting they tabled quite an interesting question. (proposed/put into discussion) ~ I don´t know what time she arrived, she tip toed into her room. (silently) ~This wall needs a second coat of paint. (cover with paint) ~ This chocolate is the best thing since sliced bread.(very good/exciting)  ~ Everyone should know which side of their bread is buttered ( to know how you can benefit from your own skills) ~ I´m sorry, It won´t work out, John just can´t cut the mustard.(can´t do the job) ~

Procrustean

What teachers shoudn´t be: 

treating all people the or things as if they are the same, without considering individual differences and in any way that is too strict and unreasonable. 

Producing or designed to produce strict conformity by ruthless or arbitrary means.

(Literary & Literary Critical Terms) tending or designed to produce conformity by violent or ruthless methods]

Adj.

1.

Procrustean - of or relating to the mythical giant Procrustes or the mode of torture practiced by him

Origin: from the Greek story of Procrustes, a robber who forced people to lie on a bed and made them fit it by stretching their bodies or cutting off part of their legs.

To procrastinate

to delay doing something that you should do, usually because you do not want to do it!!!

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